Happy 8th Birthday Spiderman

  Eight years ago, I had two babies at once...what a miracle. While I love their twin bond, I want to honor them each on their own today.

To my second born (by 16 minutes), Happy 8th Birthday Spiderman.  At 6.3 pounds, you were our little peanut.

Your name means laughter in Hebrew, and it fits better than we could have ever imagined. We laughed in disbelief when they told us you were coming along with Ben, and I am still taken back in disbelief at what an amazing gift God gave us in you.

Your sweetness and goofy spirit  bring us all laughter everyday.

Your helpful heart, love for others, and God's Word makes me so proud to be your Mommy.

I love you Isaac, I am so thankful for you. I am so happy I am your Mommy.

Happy 8th Birthday Batman!

Eight years ago, I had two babies at once...what a miracle. While I love their twin bond, I want to honor them each on their own today.

To my first born (by 16 minutes) Happy 8th Birthday to my amazing first born son Batman.  
At 7 pounds and covered in hair, you have also been our snuggly Bear.

Books and hugs have always been your passion. I am so thankful you still like to cuddle with me, and can be found reading for hours.

Your silliness brightens our days. You have always been secure in who you are, you will not be rushed or pressured into anything, and do life at your own pace. :)

Sometime you handsome face just takes me breath away.

I love you will all my heart, and I am so thankful to be your mom.

Shared DNA, Not a Shared Soul

 One of the most common questions I'm asked about my identical twins is, "Isn't it amazing that they have such different personalities?"  People who only know the science behind twins, but have never truly known identical twins, are the ones who ask this question.

My snarky Mama response wants to be, "NO, they are two different people so of course they are different!" But that is unhelpful.  I know them, and see identical twins everyday.

 Identical twins are rare, so they are a mystery too many. Maybe you've grown up hearing stories (or seen movies) of identical twins who know when the other is wounded from 1,000 of miles away. I can then see how this adds mystery and confusion.  You  think they are just clones of the same person.

 Twins are not clones. Twins are physically, and spiritually linked, just as you and your siblings are connected, but are not the same person.  Identical twins get the added bonus of spending their entire lives together, going through the same stages together. I am a twin (I have a fraternal twin brother), but my identical twins have a special bond I will never truly understand. But this bond is not make them the same person.

 Identical twins share DNA, they do not share a soul.

Yes, identical twins are one egg split in half. The science is quite fascinating.  But here is the most important &  ineffable aspect of twins,  they are not a soul split in half.

I believe our God is sovereign and powerful enough to create two identical bodies with two different souls. He knit their hearts and minds together in my womb, each of them...separately. One twin  is not an accident or afterthought once the first one was knit.  He knew them both separately, before their zygote split.  He uniquely gifted them with their own talents, souls, and spiritual gifts. I see this as a similar miracle to when God took my mother and father's DNA and miraculously made different combinations of different people between me and my siblings.

I am no scientist, and I may be wrong in how I view this, but I have watched my two boys for ten+ years now. I have witnessed two children, who technically are suppose to be the "same person'" according to their DNA, born as two unique and different people. As they grew, they have different personalities. They are quite similar in many ways, which is to be expected of course.  But they are not the exactly the same, and they are not opposites.  They are uniquely themselves. They are each who God knit them to be.

So I will amend my snarky answer with, "Yes, it is amazing that they have two different personalities, because the God who made them is Amazing."

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:13-14

You may also be interested in:

Identical and Individual, What NOT to say to a Twin Mom

First Day Pictures

First Day of First Grade. 
Our tradition (for the past two years) has been to take a first day of school picture. I told the boys to pick their favorite shirt for their First Day of School Picture.  This inadvertently lead to them holding the chalkboard above their heads so that I could see their shirts in the individual pictures.

That Eyebrow is all from his Daddy.  I can not do it, and it cracks me up every time!

Haircuts...kind of.

I was going to give both a hair cut, but Batman asked to keep his long for a little longer.  Since everyone has a hard time telling them apart, I thought I'd give them a week or two of different hair cuts to make the identical thing a little easier;)

See, now super easy to tell them apart!

 I know Spiderman got this face from my husband because there is no way I can do this eyebrow!

Since Batman chose to keep it his hair longer, we spiked it for him.  
His hair  won't stay up like this without a whole bottle of gel, but it was cute while it lasted!

Spiderman right after his haircut and my hubby right before his:)

Deep Thoughts from Batman and Spiderman 2013

Starting a new post of the awesome things my boys say in 2013....


Spiderman
He just told me I should nap with his stuffed animal because she "is friendly and only venomous to her prey." How comforting!

"That smoking guy smells like air pollution!"

My husband talking about an ice cream place in his hometown "I used to come here when I was a little boy." Spiderman, "Wow, and they haven't torn it down yet?!"

 "Mom, can you draw me a rainbow so I remember the colors? But don't look at it because I am drawing you a surprise picture."




Batman 

"Birthdays and Christmas are the same, but much different. At birthdays you get presents AND you get taller." 

"A puddle is like a dirty mirror in the street but you can't use it to reflect stuff because you can't even pick it up."

 "I got hiccups once. They were tricky hiccups. They went away, then tricked me and came back a lot of days later."

Deep Thoughts from the Batman and Spiderman....2012

Just some quotes from my awesome boys...

Batman

Me after finding undies in living room,"Is this underwear dirty or clean?"  Batman(in all seriousness) "I don't know, does it feel like it has any farts in it?" 

 I just said "Please stop picking your nose." His response was, "I'm not picking my nose, I'm just getting something out of it that doesn't belong there.".....he should be a lawyer.


"Mom! My foot hurts from kicking my brother in the face!".....really?!?! 

  Batman while helping me make lasagna,"This is my favorite food because I love ri-cottage cheese!"

 "Mmmm! Mom, potato wedges are my favorite type of wedge!" 

Just had a funny conversation with Batman that the tuna he was eating was NOT a type of chicken....I still don't think he believes me.



 

 Spiderman

" Mommy, I put on clean underwear! You want to smell them to make sure?" ...ummm, no thank you!

  "Mommy, you need put our candy up higher because sometimes Batman and me sneak it." Me, "Well, then how about you not sneak them?" Spiderman ,"Umm, yeah I think I will sneak them so you should just put them up higher." Well at least he is honest!!!!

"You know what be really hard? Rock climbing while eating soup." Good to know... good to know.


 "I want to be a swim teacher when I grow up, but I am pretty sure my Lighting McQueen swimsuit wont fit then."

 During a game of opposites Spiderman said, "I think the opposite of plants is a shovel, because that's how we get to no plants." I love hearing how his mind works:)

 Overheard at dinner, "I'm a noodle tornado & I'm about to be eaten by the mouthinator!"....oh to be five again:)

 "Did you know that 'ouch' in spanish is 'yowzers!'?"  Not sure where he comes up with this stuff:)

  "If I don't get a prize at vbs tonight then I wont whine...I wont be happy about it....but I wont whine." I think he is 5 going on 45 sometimes:)

 "Mommy, did you know there are things you know that  I don't know?" .....I really hope so.

Happy Mother's Day

I made a homemade card for mother in law, and also for me to just see how much my boys have grown.

Before I was a mother of toddlers I said...

Mothers of Toddlers....Give Yourself Grace!
And while you are at it, give grace to all the other mothers also:)

Things I said BEFORE I was a parent of toddlers…

1. Give them the best there is on the market. I will only feed my children Organic foods.

2. I will NEVER feed my children fast food!!! If I won’t let my children eat it, I will not eat it!

3. I am not a short order cook. I will never cook a separate meal for my children! They will eat what my husband and I eat!

4. Obedience is more important that compliance. I will not “trick” my child into eating vegetables. They will eat what I give them.

5. I don’t like Barney, so we won’t have it in our house.

6. Educational Toys. I will give my children only educational wooden toys that couldbe used in a NAEYC accredited preschool like the one I worked in.

7. Unwavering consequences. If my children are yelling in a store, I will leave immediately leave to teach them that behavior is unacceptable

8. I will never raise my voice for ANY reason and the word No is not descriptive enough. I will only use variations of the word ‘No’ because it makes the children feel negative and teaches them to use that word. Children only yell if their parents do…

9. No TV should ever be on when the children on in the room when they are under two years old.

10. No Tantrums..ever! If my toddler throws a tantrum, it will only happen ONCE!

11. Pacifiers are only for home, even then only at bedtime.We will never have pacifiers in public.

12. Perfect Wife while being perfect mother. Since my husband works and I stay at home, I will have dinner ready for him everyday when he gets home.

13. Separations are good for your child. Clearly say “Goodbye”, give a hug, and leave quickly. It teaches self soothing and independence.

Things I said AFTER I was a parent of toddlers…

1. Priorities. If my budget makes me choose between organic food and diapers then I choose diapers.

2. Fast Food can be magical in the minivan. Chicken Fries from BK are great car seat food finger food for screaming toddlers on a long road trip. You can give them a healthy snack at home when you aren't trying to keep you whole family safe while driving 60 mph on the toll road, or even trying to navigate mall parking lot during Christmas shopping season!

3. At least they are eating. Mommy and Daddy sometimes need an adult meal that doesn't include spending 3/4 of meal trying to get your two year old to eat Tilapia. No it isn't an every night thing, but sometimes you just need to get through a good adult meal while they quietly and happily eat their mac & cheese.

4. Whatever works to get the vegetables in them! My children will eat anything if it is in covered with applesauce or spaghetti sauce, including peas!

5. If the boys like Barney, we watch Barney on PBS so Mommy can make lunch...I refuse to buy anything barney still. Small victories:)

6. Goodwill has GREAT toys that someone else bought new for $20 and their child only played with for 10 minutes. I paid $1.00 for the same 10 minutes.

7. If done rarely, it is OK to open a bag of cookies to get the grocery shopping done...sometimes you just need more than milk and bread! P.S, I have been one those "awful" mothers who once a month paid my dollar and loaded up my twins into the cart that had the little TV playing at Meijer! I then, with no guilt, bought a Starbucks coffee and slowly did my shopping with two content little boys watching Bob the Builder. It...was...lovely!

8. Danger equals loud mommy voice. It is OK for Mommy to raise her voice slightly and say ‘NO!’ when you child is reaching for the oven, hitting his brother, biting his brother, etc. etc.

9. PBS Kids is free AND Educational…and I can get dinner finished. I even watch Sid the Science kids with my boys to learn how they explain the concept of "inertia"! It was even educational for the 28 year old mama in the house!

10. Toddlers throw tantrums. PERIOD. No you should not have to lower all your behavioral expectations or condone disobedience, but you should not continue to feel like you have failed in your child-rearing completely because your child threw a tantrum....in public...or worse, in front of your in-laws;) Give them a consequence, then move on and know you are a loving caring mom....even if the customers in Walmart judge you otherwise.

11. Pacifiers can save your sanity. If pacifiers let you get through Thanksgiving dinner with the ENTIRE extended family… DO IT!

12. Sometimes Daddy has to cook. If your husband wants a hot dinner and you haven't even had time to brush your hair and teeth, let alone take a shower, sometimes he can throw a pizza in himself.

13. You are your child's safe place, even when you are not at home. I still believe separation time is important for your child, but it will not wreck all your child’s future independence and sense of self if you miss a church service to stay in the nursery and cuddle your baby boy who is screaming for you.

I wrote this a couple of years ago when my four year old twins were toddlers. A little background on me is I have a degree in Early Childhood used to be preschool teacher at a prestigious campus preschool. Not only did I judge because I hadn't been a mom, I judged because I thought I KNEW what it meant to be a mom since I worked with kids on a daily basis. I am not saying my before list us not a good place to shoot for, but it was based from a judgmental place, from inexperience. I did not show grace and I was wrong:)

Identical and Individual: What not to say to a Twin...or Their Mom

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

 I could not bring myself to use the word "identical" for a very long time.  My head knows that being an identical twin is such an amazing and miraculous occurrence that it will create a strong bond, yet my heart fought back against this word. 

After reflection, my hesitancy to use the word is because so many do not understand what it actually means. To me it means they were the same zygote that split into two. To a majority of the world, identical means exactly the same person, times two. 

My heart screams NO! They are not the same! They're EACH wonderfully and fearfully made. So unique, and each so amazingly wonderful in his own right.

One of the most common questions I'm asked about my identical twins is, "Isn't it amazing that they have such different personalities?"  

My snarky Mama response wants to be, "Isn't it amazing you can ask such a dumb question?! They are two separate people! " But that is unhelpful and unkind. 

 Identical twins are rare, so they are a mystery too many. Maybe you've grown up hearing stories (or seen movies) of identical twins who know when the other is wounded from 1,000 of miles away. I can then see how this adds mystery and confusion.  You  think they are just clones of the same person.

 Twins are not clones. Twins are physically, and spiritually linked, just as you and your siblings are connected, but are not the same person.  Identical twins get the added bonus of spending their entire lives together, going through the same stages together. But this bond does not make them the same person.

 Identical twins share DNA, they do not share a soul.

I believe our God is sovereign and powerful enough to create two identical bodies with two different souls. He knit their hearts and minds together in my womb, each of them...separately. One twin is not an accident or afterthought once the first one was knit.  He knew them both separately, before their zygote split.  He uniquely gifted them with their own talents, souls, and spiritual gifts. I see this as a similar miracle to when God took my mother and father's DNA and miraculously made different combinations of different people between me and my siblings.

Defining through Comparison
For you to better understand my twin baggage, I need to share that I am also a twin. I have a fraternal twin brother, and I often share the fact that I thought my last name was "the twins" until I was in Kindergarten (not kidding). Picture 5 year old me introducing myself, "Hi, my name is Robyn-The-Twins, nice to meet you."

Even though we were boy/girl twins, we were seen as a unit. From my earliest memory, I wanted independence & individuality. And then I quickly received my wish....through comparison.

Let me add a disclaimer now that I know this was not, and is not, intentional. I understand that twins are mysterious to many, especially identical twins, and you are trying to connect to them in some way by seeing their differences. I sympathize how hard it must be to not be able to tell identical twins apart.

But please think about the fact that you are trying to get to know them by who their sibling is and not who they are.

 It may be a shift in thinking to try to get people to see my point, but please follow me. If you were asked to write a sentence about who you were, would you write something like:

"I am more a more creative & bossier person than my brother, and I am much more nurturing than my husband."

OR would you write:

"I am an artist who loves taking care of her family."

In the first example you are defining yourself by other people. This may seem like an extreme to you, but it is what young twins hear all the time when you ask about them by comparing them to their twin sibling. It is what I heard for years, as I was constantly compared to my twin brother, and my sons get it even worse that we did.

I will give you a few examples of what a twin & their mom (since I am both) hears when you asks these questions. Keep in mind these are all real questions that I have been asked about my identical twin sons IN FRONT OF THEM.

QUESTIONS TWINS (and their Moms) HEAR ALL THE TIME

• You Ask: "Who is the leader?" Twin may hear: "Who is the follower?" or "Who is in the bossier one?"
  Variations on this question: "Who is the more dominant one?" & "Who takes charge more often?"


• You Ask: "Which one is the good one?" Twin may hear: "Which one is the bad one?"


• You Ask: "Do they have the same personality?" Twin may hear; "I can't have a personality outside of my twin." or "I must act out to get attention and prove I am different."


• You ask: "Do you have a favorite?" (Yes, I have actually been asked this in front of my kids)   Twin may hear: "Since there are two of us, Mommy has to pick one."

Do you want to be called a follower? The less dominant one? How does it feel as a little boy to be the passive follower? Do you see how that can be something that could change how they see themselves as men when they are older?

On the other hand, would you want to be perceived as the loud bossy one? I know it has taken me years of  struggle to see my leadership gifting as anything other than me being "the bossy girl". I stayed away from some leadership roles because I had unconsciously taken this label into my identity.

Be careful when phrasing your questions around a comparison of their sibling, you may unintentionally  give them a false label they could carry with them for a very long time.

DADDY NOTE FROM MY HUSBAND: 
Although usually well-intentioned, the fallacy at the heart of some of these questions is the polarized perspective: if one is a leader, then the other must be a follower, if one is social the other must be shy, etc. What I've been fascinated to discover is that both of our guys often have the same trait, but express it differently. They are both leaders, but one child is more outgoing and direct in his leadership whereas, his brother is more quietly confident in his.  The more direct child will outwardly boss his brother more, but other does his own thing and his brother eventually joins him.

I am no scientist, and I may be wrong in how I view this, but I have watched my two boys for ten+ years now. I have witnessed two children, who technically are suppose to be the "same person'" according to their DNA, born as two unique and different people. As they grew, they have different personalities. They are quite similar in many ways, which is to be expected of course.  But they are not the exactly the same, and they are not opposites.  They are uniquely themselves. They are each who God knit them to be.

So I will amend my snarky answer with, "Yes, it is amazing that they have two different personalities, because the God who made them is Amazing."