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Thursday, July 7, 2022

House Shopping in a Seller's Market is like Dating

After 19 years of marriage, I didn't think I would have to ever experience the push and pull of dating ever again, then we started looking for a house in a seller's market.

Very quickly we learned housing shopping in a seller's market is like dating. Not a lot of options to begin with, but a lot of possible rejection when you finally find the one you want!

Housing Shopping in a seller's market feels like dating in other ways too:


Everyone has their checklist, either in their head or on paper.  

Needs versus wants.  "He needs to be nice, but I also want him to be tall and a musician" is similar to "It needs to be 3 bedroom, but I'd also love first floor laundry!" 

The checklist starts to get smaller and smaller as you see too many houses.  You starts to settle.  First is starts as "We don't need a laundry on the main level" and eventually you get to "Do we really need a 3rd bedroom?"


There are houses are that are "just OK", and you talk yourself into going on a date/showing to see if maybe there is more of a spark. 

Sometimes you know within a few minutes that this isn't going to work out, and try to figure out a way to bail early without feeling like you've wasted your friends'/realtor's time.

Then there are houses that make your heart race the moment you see them. The process begins by looking through amazingly lit and edited photos. You swipe right based on the great pictures they provided. Great angles and lighting make too small things seem bigger, and too big things seem smaller.  As you swipe through pictures, you can imagine spending your life with them. 

You text back and forth with your mutual friend/realtor to set up a first date/showing. You revisit the page and stalk the street it's on and nearby neighborhood stats, maybe look at it's profile on several different realty apps to see if anyone has any extra information. 


The better looking the house, the more people who are texting and trying to set up a date/showing!

There are houses you fall in love with almost instantly. In today's market you know many others are checking your house out, and a second date isn't even possible before others swoop in and start making their own dates.  The more people that want the house, the more you want it!

You know this house won't wait for you long, so you buck your courage and you make your move/offer. Your gather all your best qualities, references from awesome banks who say you are safest and best bet.  It is even better if they know and trust your bank, like a mutual friend who vouches for you.


In a seller's market, there is a lot of rejection.  Even though it is just a business transaction, like dating, it is hard to not take personally. 

When the owners pick someone else, you wonder what you could have done differently. If only you made more money, would they have chosen you? Did they think the letter you wrote was too desperate?

Some houses are easy to get over, and you almost feel relieved they didn't take your offer.  Some houses were so good no house will ever come close to them, they will always be the standard to which you compare all future homes. 


Eventually you have to nurse your wounds and go back out there. 

Sometimes a rejection is so painful you need a little time to recover before putting yourself out there again. You are determined to move on by focusing on it's flaws, "I really did want a main floor laundry room, so it is ok that wasn't the house for us!"

All the friends who know you're dating/house hunting will start sending you "a house that who would be great for you!" What they don't realized is you have swiped through pictures of every house they have send you, and either rejected it or been rejected by it.


You will either buy a house or accept that you are not moving. 

Unless God brings us a home from a friend before it hits the market, we have accepting that we are not moving from our starter home. The rates are rising and the economy is tightening, so we are again thankful for this tiny little house that is almost paid off!

While I want to find the house that may fit us better, after almost 19 years of marriage, I truly never want to feel this awful dating feeling again! 

Trading Fancy for Freedom

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