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Friday, December 14, 2018

Recovering Fixer, The story of My Site's Name

Hello, my name is Robyn and I am a Recovering Fixer.  I am also a recovering people-pleaser and Enabler. I say "recovering" because I know that I could easily slip back into those patterns when I don't keep up my guard.

While this site is mostly about homeschooling, the title  TO THE ROCK"  was chosen from my favorite Psalm, Psalm 61, "Lead me to the rock that is higher than I." I need the reminder that I am not THE rock.  I can't save anyone. 

Homeschooling can't save my kids. I can't save my broken-hearted friends, or my unsaved loved ones.  I can not be enough to fix the deepest wounds in their lives. I can't fix it and that hurts.

People can be rocks, but not THE rock.

People can be a rock in your life. I wholeheartedly believe God's healing in my life has come through the arms and words of HIS PEOPLE.  They love me, they accept me, they sanctify me.  Please do not read this as an endorsement for Isolation from God's People.

But People can not be THE rock, the HIGHEST rock. Too many times in my life I have asked too much of people, or have allowed others to ask too much of me.  

I expected people to heal my heart in ways that were unfair and unrealistic. I have placed family members and friends on pedestals, just to have them knocked off as they inevitably behave as a human with faults and flaws. 

I have subconsciously tried to be THE Rock to others in my life. Growing up with a mentally ill mother and toxic family dynamics created unhealthy coping mechanisms in me.  I was "the Fixer" in my family.  I was told I could "fix it" by people who desperately needed healing and I believed them for far too long. 

Seeking healing though boundaries has taught me what I can do in others lives, and ultimately what I can't do. 

I can not save anyone or place their feet upon The Rock. I can not take responsibility for the reactions of others.  I can not make anyone change their behavior. I can not (and should not) protect people from consequences of their unhealthy patterns.  I can not be THE ROCK of salvation.

What I can do is be there to weep with them as they weep.  I can rejoice with them as they rejoice. I can loudly proclaim the God in whom I found healing.  I can share with them healing resources and confront with love when needed.

I recently read a quote from Moore than exemplifies this idea perfectly
"People can help, but they can't heal us.
People can lift us, but that can't carry us.
On occasion people can pull us out of a pit, but the can not keep us out.
Nor can they set our feet upon a rock."

Hear my cry, O Lord, listen to my prayer; 
from the end of the earth
 I call to you  when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock  that is higher than I,  
for you have been my refuge,  
a strong tower against the enemy.
Psalms 61: 1-3

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