I then told him that even the Bible says that feet can be beautiful: "How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things." Romans 10:15
My 11 year son laughed, then said that he thought that I was going to quote from Song of Solomon "because that book is all about", he said with a pause, "body compliments".
I responded to my son, "Yep that book is how daddy feels about me and that's how I feel about him. One day when you get married you will feel that way about someone. It's the best feeling ever."
"Oh, that's cool," my almost 12 year old responded as he went back to reading next to me on the couch.
And that was it. No "Yuck mom, stop!" Just a short moment of sharing how ALL OF GOD'S WORD is true and useful in life. All of Scripture is God-breathed and we can not shy away from Song of Solomon.
This conversation was in part inspired by a Focus on the Family episode, featuring Josh McDowell. Josh was discussing the topic how to talk with your kids about sex. He stressed to share with your kids how sex with your spouse, this big thing they are waiting for, is awesome! Yep, that sounds gross, but he is of course not advocating sharing details of your sex life!
The idea is to remove the shame and silence over sex in the Christian culture. Sex is not just for procreation, and when our kids get to puberty, they discover that on their own. Do we want them to think Christians don't get to enjoy one of the best gifts God gave us?
Josh McDowell's adult kids shared with him they waited to have sex until marriage because they wanted what their dad had with their mother. His kids only knew what he had because he shared all the time about how much he enjoyed all aspects of his marital relationship, including the physical.
Like I said, you're of course not sharing specifics about your sex life with your kids! The conversation I just had was only a few minutes with no specifics, but I repeat those feelings to them whenever the spirit leads me. Many parents think hugging and kissing sometimes in front of your kids sends the entire message. Physical affection is ESSENTIAL, but you must share with words the rest of the story.
My son is 11 years old now, 12 in a month, and I know it is right for him to start really hearing these things, because soon he will hit puberty and his world will be driven by God-given sexual hormones.
When you have the "sex-talk", are you inadvertently teaching your kids that sex is only for procreation in your marriage? When they hit puberty they're going to realize that's not true, and some will feel ashamed for all of the new and confusing feelings they are experiencing.
When the time comes, my husband will be honest with our sons on how difficult it was for us to wait before marriage, how the hormones and love can drive you insane. We will share this because we don't want our kids to feel like the temptations they are feeling are 1.) new to them 2.) shameful.
I want my kids to know how amazing it is that my husband and I still love each other the way Song of Solomon describes, even after 17 years together. I want them to know that because we didn't "test sex out" on a whole bunch of people before hand we were able to save all those feelings for each other.
One day I may have to also share with them my childhood sexual assault testimony, and their father can coach them how to love their wives well through insecurity, or worse case scenario, sexual trauma. I NEED them to know that I can feel SAFE sharing our bodies because I have an unbreakable COVENANT with my husband.
Christians are remiss as parents, who are training up our children to be husbands and wives, to pretend like marriages can be healthy without a sex life.
I want my kids to know that God loves sex. Yep, He created it. Sex is beautiful and the best way to maintain a healthy marriage. Without sex, marriage doesn't work. Period. I am sorry if that offends you, but I have a lot or scripture to back me up.
If you are in a marriage right now that is hurting in this area, I beg you to seek professional help. If you are a sexual assault survivor, please know I am one too, and if you have sexual trauma, then this is an uber complicated issue, but I believe God has healing for you.
I have found healing from my abuse in many ways, but it is still a fight for healing of my mind in regards to my marriage bed. Please ladies, seek healing because sex is beautiful. When my marriage bed is healthy, I am a better mom and wife. I am a better church member and friend. Seeking healing in my marriage bed has been a life changing experience.
I ask all women to start praying Song of Solomon over your relationship. I know that as a woman those feelings don't always come naturally. I have many time in my life prayed that God would give me the feelings for my husband as a 35 year old that I had as a 18 year old.
I can't teach my kids about a healthy marriage unless I am practicing it, and I can't have a healthy marriage without prayer. With prayer, God enables a healthy sex life. You need the Holy Spirit to overcome insecurities, past baggage or abuse, and present miscommunication and issues.
Again, if you are struggling with past sexual trauma, please seek counseling so that you can find the healing God has for you. If there are extenuating circumstances, there is ZERO SHAME in bringing a counselor into the mix to help you again build a healthy sex life.
Then pray about the short appropriate ways to talk about the beauty of sex with your kids. I also highly recommend Josh McDowell's book on Straight Talk with your Kids about Sex.
Good Luck Moms and Dads! I am praying for you right now.